You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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