This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
