I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
