He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
