Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
