it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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