the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
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