my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
