she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
