You made me cry and you don't even care
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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