woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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