i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
