Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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