So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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