I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I checked into jail on foursquare
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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