you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
