Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
