so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
