He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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