So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
