Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
