UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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