You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
