The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
