You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
