You smell like stripper and shame
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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