Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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