considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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