don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
