i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
