Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
