bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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