Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Watching her eat just hurts me
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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