Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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