dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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