HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
