I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
