K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
