I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
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