apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
