i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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