there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
