He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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