wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
