Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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