I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
