Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
