you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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