Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
