dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
