thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
